"The Last Child Left"
Jun. 13, 2014, 9:39 p.m.

It seems odd that I still have this diary here, in this online space where at one time my sister Beth and my sister Audrey both kept diaries along with me. Now here I am alone and back to this diary I am drawn. It gives me odd comfort. My two sisters have both died from heart issues. My brother too. Last August my father died. So it is just me and my Mom. And sometimes it feels we are running a race to see who can live the longest. She is 87 years old, has had two heart attacks, a triple bypass, and two strokes. She cannot walk on her own. She gets fatigued easily. On the other hand, I am 58 years old and I will be 59 in November. My brother Richard died of a sudden heart attack when he was 58, my sister Audrey died of a sudden heart attack when she was 59, my oldest sister Beth just died on May 19th. She was 65 but has been suffering with strokes and heart attacks since 2007. It began when she was 58. So this makes me wonder if I have any possibility of outliving my mother. It has been difficult, having three of her children die before her. I just want to live long enough to care for her. I do not want to leave her alone in this world to be cared for by someone who does not know her, who does not love her. What are the odds? As the lady on the commercial says, "there is no expiration date stamped on me". I pray the odds are in my favor. I pray I am healthy for a good long time. In the meantime, I have an appointment with a cardiologist to check out my heart. My plea is this... Either put me at ease and tell me I am fine, or help me do what I need to do, to prevent the inevitable for as long as possible. I need this. I am the last child left.