"Time to Take Back Control"
November 29, 2010, 7:53 a.m.

I am so inspired today by reading Kandee the make-up artist's blog. Her account got hacked and it was very messy and horrible enough that YouTube suspended her account and she has a lot of cleaning up to do ahead of her. What really inspired me today however, is her response to her circumstances. Kandee wrote:

"Everyday, no matter what happens we need to think like someone that refuses to be a victim of life and it's "junk" that gets us down...(breakups, family problems, relationship issues, being hacked, financial matters)...we need to think OFFENSIVELY, react like a conqueror, a warrior...ready to take back control of your day....and your life!"

I've heard something like this many times before, but always singularly written as words of wisdom taken out of context along with some other thought provoking words or so, meant to inspire but always stored as words in my memory, and never really reaching my heart. This time, my heart was touched. It's funny how that happens. I've been rather quiet about my circumstances while trying to keep a stiff upper lip and stay positive but now I realize that my efforts to "stay positive" are doomed. Why? Because I have been "struggling" to stay positive. I've been fighting with my thoughts and feeling absolutely defeated. Staying positive should be easy, effortless. But staying positive will always be a chore if I am still living my life like a pitiful, fearful, defeated person. I didn't think I was so very down on myself. But I was. I let myself down. I allowed it because I thought "that's life". I let myself talk myself into being a failure instead of a conqueror.

To lay my cards on the table and confess what I've not been talking about... I got laid off, I'm still unemployed, my mother had another stroke, my sister passed away a few months ago, I owe the IRS over $10,000, my mortgage is upside down and past due, my credit is shot and my checking account is overdrawn. It's time for me to take back control and live my life as a victorious person instead of wondering what went wrong and thinking up reasons that explain why I am still defeated. It doesn't matter. The fact is, I felt defeated because I felt defeated. Now the question is....what am I going to do about it?