"vestiges"
June 16, 2003, 9:15 p.m.

I suppose it's not really necessary to keep at this - but I don't want to lose it. I've invested so much of myself in this and the hiatus I took seems so long that coming back with my hat in my hand, eyes lowered with humility seeking forgiveness of myself actually scares me. Did I over-extend? Did I isolate from even myself? I say no - yet even as I do - I remember the wash of burden overwhelming me. Me! Me whose weakness is when faced with a choice - I take the choice of least confrontation - especially if its me confronting me. [huminy-huminy-huminy]

Oh god! Excuses! Explanations! Reasoning it out and finding justifications that fit better than my brand new pair of Nine Wests! If I charged myself for my self-analysis I could really make some big bucks! But I'd go broke doing so.

Who really cares about the kind of thought that would get spewed anyway? What nonesense and what a self-indulgent egoistic thing to do.

I'm not angry. I just have an odd lingering taste in my mouth - and I don't think I like the vestiges of it.